Becoming engaged is very exciting. During this time it is easy to spend all your time fantasizing and planning your wedding. All your time can easily become consumed with wedding talk, wedding plans and wedding ideas. But no matter how exciting your upcoming wedding is you have to remember that it is only one day. Sure, it is one special day that creates memories that you will cherish for the rest of your life, but it is only one day. You need to make sure that once the wedding is over you are able to create a fantastic marriage.
During your wonderful engagement period you really should take some time
to make sure your marriage turns out just like you want it to. It
really does not matter how long you have been with your fiancé or even
if you already live together, there are some questions you should
There are seven major points of contention that can make or break a marriage over time: sex, career demands, living location, money/finances, household chores, individual pet peeves and whether or not both of you want children. You may feel like you already know the answers to these questions but things change over time and most of these things are night subjects that you have talked about in depth.
Are your sexual preferences compatible? Have both of you been tested for
sexual transmitted diseases? If not get tested together. What about
your sexual compatibility? Do you like having sex at the same times of the day? Do you both want sex the same amount of times a week?
Sex is a major part of married life. You need to know that you are both on the same page. Even if you think everything is fine, open communication is a big part of any good relationship, especially marriage. Therefore you should have an open and honest talk about sex with your fiancé before you walk down the aisle.
Before you get married you should discuss your career plans. Having a two career household can put a strain on the relationship. If either one of you have aspirations of climbing the ladder in the career you are in you should discuss this as this may involve long hours at the office instead of at home. Also discuss if future business plans include going out of town and overnight or longer stays away from home.
Discuss where you will live. Discuss both the physical place you will live city, suburbs, etc. as well as if you will be living in a house, condo or apartment. Find out if you have the same living plans and dreams for the future and if not talk about what is different and see if there is some sort of compromise you can come to.
Children are always a big question that couples need to discuss. You
need to find out if you both want children. If so do you want the same
amount of children? Discuss how soon after marriage you want to begin
having children. Is there an age you do not want to have children
anymore? Besides those questions you may also want to discuss what is
going to happen once the children arrive. If you have children will one
of you stay home to take care of them? If not who will care for your
children while you are at work? Can you afford childcare or is there a family member who can be responsible for childcare during the day?
Money is another reason why couples fight. Discuss money in detail. Who
will pay the bills? Will there be a budget. Will the marriage begin with
large amounts of debt? How will you take care of that? How will you save for retirement?
No one wants to do chores but they need to be done. Chores include everything from laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning and cooking. Discuss how the chores will be divided and try to come to an understanding which is fair and makes both of you happy.
It does not matter how wholly and completely you love someone there will
be at least one thing about that person that annoys you. Settle any pet
peeves you have with the other person now. Bring up pet peeves and talk
openly. Talk now when feelings are not going to be hurt.
When you are discussing these questions and you get "that feeling" that makes you feel uneasy or that you should have said "no" instead of "yes" when one of you popped the question, slow things down and rethink your pending marriage.
A wedding is an event, while a marriage can span forty or fifty years, or more. Don't ignore major differences and think that you can just live with them. It doesn't work that way.