Negative Engagement Responses: How To Deal With Less Than Happy Responses

I know it is hard to believe, but it is possible to get negative engagement responses.


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Getting engaged is usually one of the happiest times in our life. It is exciting, a time to be hopeful for the future. However sometimes we are confused when we are not met with the enthusiasm and joy we feel when we tell others of our big news. 

Realize that everyone may not be happy of this announcement. Consider this before telling people so you are not surprised if you happen to get any less than favorable reactions. 

Sometimes our friends are not as happy for us as we thought they would be. They may be upset if they do not like your fiancé, if they feel that for some reason this in not the best match. Friends can be fiercely protective of one another so it is possible that they may voice their concerns, even if they never did so in the past. It is important to listen to what they have to say and not to dismiss it out of hand. Try not to interrupt them, argue or stop listening to them before they are finished. Once they are done respond to what they have to say, if what they said needs to be thought about let them know. Finish by letting them know that you appreciate their concern for you and are thankful of their friendship. 

However, sometimes the problem has nothing to do with your relationship and it actually because your friends may be envious of you. I know it is hard to believe as they should be happy for you but they may wish they were in your situation. They may wish they had the person with whom to spend the rest of their lives with, or wish their significant other would pop the question. For those friends who are already married they may wish they could be at that point in their life again where everything is ahead of them or they may even be jealous of all the extra attention you will be getting over the next several months leading up to the wedding. 

A negative response from your parents is different. Your parents will not be jealous of you, but they do want the best for you. They may be upset because they do not think your choice in spouse is the right one for you, they may feel you two have not known each other long enough or that this is not the right time for you to get married. Hopefully your parents will be happy for you and congratulate you but telling parents is different than friends and the response may be different as well. Even if they are happy for you they may attack you with question after question which you may not be ready to answer yet. If this is the case you should let them know that you are not ready to go into all the planning details yet, do not let them pressure you into committing to anything or telling them anything you are not ready to. 

If you already know your parents will be unhappy because they have already expressed dislike of your fiancé it would be best if you told them alone. Spare your fiancé the negative and hurtful things that may come from your parents. 

Be sure to make your parents aware that you have already made up your mind and nothing they can say will change it. Let them know that you love and appreciate that they are concerned for you and your well being but that you are an adult and you must make this decision for yourself. 

If the angry parents are your future in-laws try not to be too upset. They may have no direct problem with you but may be taking it out on you; you may not know why they are really upset. Just remember that it is you and your fiancés opinion on the subject which is most important and you choose to get married. 

If either sets of parents do heavily disapprove it would be wise to not go to them for money. Do not ask for or accept any money from individuals who are truly against this union. However you should let them know that even though they do not need to contribute monetarily to the wedding that they are still important to you and you would like them involved in your special day. 

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